I just got this email from my cousin and thought it was pretty funny. I don't know the original author to give them the credit. Enjoy the chicken stories...
Why Did The Chicken Cross
The Road?
SARAH PALIN: The
chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be
perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their
eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her
eggs. Period.
JOHN McCain: My
friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage
in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the
road.
HILLARY CLINTON:
What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We
don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know
if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either
with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now
to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the
chicken crossing
the road.
BILL CLINTON: I
did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I
invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although
I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was
the wrong road to
cross, and I was misled
about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain
against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why
are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The
problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal
with the problem
on this side of the road
before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we
need to do is
help him realize how
stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new
problems.
OPRAH: Well, I
understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross
the road so
badly. So instead
of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part
of life, I'm
going to give this
chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his
life like the
rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed
to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That
chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes
and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To
steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No
one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to
a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR. SEUSS: Did the
chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed I've
not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?
That's why they call it
the 'other side.'
Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay. If you eat that chicken, you will
become gay too. I
say we boycott all
chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes
with
seemingly harmless
phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the
road. It's as plain
and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day
we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the
chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the
first time, the heart
warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish
it's lifelong dream of
crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is
the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have
just released eChicken2013, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs,
file your
important documents and
balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of
eChicken2013. This
new platform is much
more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
